While some may debate the first aphorism, the second stands unchallenged, unbowed, unsullied. Winick’s reputation took a hit when he traded Alex Rodriguez and a gaggle of other talent to the LMC for minor league utilityman Brandon Wood. But few now scoff at that deal.
“The numbers–and numbers, good friends, are what this game is about–do not lie,” explained dapper metrosexual Jeffery Winick. “A-Rod is struggling to keep his average over .270 and he’s not in the top ten in a single offensive category. Did I move him at the right time? Absolutely.”
Winick explained that his new mathematical analysis helped him decide that the time was right to move A-Rod. “It’s my STI [Spring Training Indicator, patent pending]. I cannot divulge the nuances of this analysis, but trust me when I say that everything Alex did this spring pointed toward a downward trend. Plus, I simply didn’t like how he swung the bat in that Pepsi commercial with Vlad, yet another slugger on the slide.
“Clearly, A-Rod ranks as the most overvalued player bought at the draft, barely ahead of Craig Hansen and Andy Marte. But I’ll learn from other’s mistakes almost readily as I learn from mine. And let me assure Andy Klein that if he’s silly enough to toss Craig Hansen back into the pool next year, I’ll be bidding him as high as anyone can dare me. Anyway, I need to get back to my analysis of Wily Mo Pena. This kid excites me like no other young man in a baseball uniform and I can’t wait to share my overheated essay about him with the rest of you. I’m on my third draft now, so be patient, it’s coming…”