Spring Training Scouting Report #1

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      Brad Jansen

      Today’s early report…I started off with SPF 50 sunblocker, but will gradually move on to SPF 30 as week progresses…it’s a pain highlighting that increasingly expanding bald spot (hey, Rich: what do Morningstar’s analysts say about those companies marketing the laser comb–I’m thinking about investing [in a comb, not a company]–don’t worry, I’ll keep it confidential)…unfortunately it’s gonna be a cloudy day as future Blox Bomber Mark Buerhle takes on future HOF’r Greg Maddux and the Cubs at Ho Ho Kam…on to the tid bits you’re waiting for…LH Brad Halsey was projected as D-Backs’ 5th starter before trade for the A’s Juan Cruz…El Duque is the #2 starter on the D-Backs!!  Choo Freeman is the “choo-in” for the Rockies’ CF gig…Brewers ace Chris Capuano still struggling with control this spring…ex-Devil Ray/Bombed Bomber Dewon Brazelton looks to be a true stud with new team Padres thanks to pitching coach…be careful what you say about Minutemen down here…sheesh, I was only being critical of that thrash band from the 80s, that’s all, and some dude wanted to kick my young ass…

      …this ends your free scouting report for Monday morning…for AL reports you need a prepaid subscription…please make $100 check payable to “Carol Levins (fka Jansen) Court-Ordered Maintenance Fund,” c/o Brad Jansen, managing partner, Riptorns.

      As the Great Jeffrey Winick says, that is all…..for now, lads!!  See ya!

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