Stop the Rips — Call the C.O.P.S.

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    • #2369
      Andy Klein

      This is an important announcement!

      Bradley is partying like it’s 2000 (or one of those other years he won the league). In those days, the Rips garnered titles by gleefully taking entire rosters of players for the likes of Nick Johnson or Matt Anderson. Now he wants to do it again by collecting “prospects” he views as the tradable seeds of a new dynasty.

      There is only one way to stop history from repeating itself – call the C.O.P.S.!!

      C.O.P.S. stands for the Coalition Opposed to Prospect Swapping. Several USML members have already joined, including Mark Blocker, John Fruit, Mark Kerber, and 2006 USML Champion Doug Shabelman. Members of the organization have agreed to blow the whistle and just say no when the Rips come calling next year with the likes of Justin Huber, Billy Butler, and Matt Clement. Members also have agreed to minister to Rich Robbins, who might not be able to help himself. (NOTE: C.O.P.S. wants Buddha to join, too – after all, Republicans usually support law enforcement. But we’re too scared to make the approach right now given his anger level!)

      If you are interested in joining C.O.P.S., please contact me at We’ll even take messages from Jeff “I’ve Got Wood” Winick, though we don’t particularly trust him.

      Thank you for your attention. Rest assured that this is not all.


      USML C.O.P.S. Member Since 2006

    • #2370
      Brad Jansen

      What a sad, desperate grasp for attention…and it’s *Jeff *Clement, not Matt. Sheesh. And, Andy, do you also now subscribe to satellite transmissions of minor league games so you can track that pitching stud Craig Hansen? In any event, don’t worry about me peddling those guys (or my other top-notch guys like Upton, Kendrick, Gordon, Zumaya, Putz, Molina, Burgos, Soriano, Thome, Patterson, Ellsbury, et al and etc.). As I already proclaimed, these fine young men are the cornerstone of the next Riptorns’ empire. Just as you won’t part with Hansen, and Rich won’t part with Sizemore (unless/until he grabs enough ass -I mean asterisk- players to get Ichiro, Sheff and Teixera from Bombers), so shall I stand firm, and pat!

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