The Book Of Jeffrey, Chapter One

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      Brad Jansen

      We were fortunate to catch a few moments with roto superstar Jeffrey H. Winick, currently hanging with fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise as Cruise promotes his latest film Oblivion. Winick was kind enough to answer a few questions before meeting Cruise for a private audit session.

      Fantasy Baseball Forever:  How much has Scientology played a role in your fantasy baseball success?

      Jeffrey Winick: Look, if there was a couch I could leap from, I would do so, simply to illustrate to you how it has meant everything to my fantasy baseball success.

      FBF: How so?

      JW:  Well, as a registered fantasy baseball thetan, I was able to “assist” Mark Kerber into helping me realize my personal aspirations and clear goals, specifically, unloading Hosmer for players with actual talent, players who could lift my team to a higher plane, a more defined reality: you may know it as First Place.

      FBF: You’ve had an extraordinary rise this season–first place in a matter of days. What can we expect from the Berliners going forward?

      JW: My first step is to eliminate any suppressive teams, such as the Red Hots. Bombers and Riptorns. Clearly the last team is a potential trouble source.

      FBF: Any doubts the Damon is yours this season?

      JW:  None whatsoever. Doubt is not a word in my vocabulary or a concept in my mind. The Berliners’ opponents have imperfections; the Berliners, none.  Tom? Tom, is that you? It is time for me to go.  It is time for you to leave. Go forth and make sure all my opponents know this: I shall prevail.        

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