And no, it’s not Jeff Winick’s pornographic autobiography. Let Jeffrey explain:
“The latest vehicle for my talents is a new email publication which I’ve cleverly dubbed ‘The Up and Comers,’ a feature devoted to profiling young talent making its major league debut. Most of the articles will be about my players, of course, but I do solicit contributions from other DUMP members, subject to my editorial discretion.
The first article will cover Adam Jones, the latest and most brilliant Mariners prospect to roam CF. I stole him from Brad, as I acquire so much of my fine young talent. Speaking of steals Jones already attempted one last night and even though he was caught by my algorithim that means he’s on par to steal 25-27 bases next season and 35-42 in 2008 unless he bulks up his lower torso by more than 8.25 pounds. He is 20 years old and never even played OF until late last year. Touts project him as the next Mike Cameron, which means that I need to hang onto him until he’s 30 to enjoy a return on my investment. By my calculations in baseball year 2008 I must exercise Jones’ option and up his salary to $60. It will be a modest price to pay to watch this young man blossom and to accumulate all his magnificent numbers….unless, of course, I can convince Brad to take him back in exchange for Jim Thome….”