USML Forums › Forums › Brad Being Brad › Winick Announces This Year’s Jeffrey Award Nominees
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March 24, 2011 at 12:00 am #3398Brad JansenParticipant
NOTE: The following message was dictated but not proofread by 2010 USML Champion Jeffrey Winick:
In today’s flagging economy, it’s important for every consumer to recognize and obtain value. So I think we need to spend a bit more time acknowledging owners who tried to get value at the draft. Since my roto skills have been widely acknowledged by any number of experts, I am best suited to evaluate these efforts. Accordingly, I announce the Jeffrey Award, which I shall present annually at the end of each baseball season to the team that drafted the most profitable player. Richard Robbins, I commission you to draft the appropriate amendment to our Constitution. I list my nominees below and note for the record that the players must be seen in the context of their owners’ rosters, not necessarily compared to the USML as a Whole. I also do not suggest, predict or opine whether any of these players shall become superstars. My sole object is to offer my view that in 2011 these drafted players provide the greatest opportunity to reward their owners with the most profit.
Let me begin:
Bombers: Dear me, I must remember not to confuse “value” with “cheap.” But I’ll hold my nose and suggest that Brent Morel at $6 may earn a modest profit for this bankrupt squad.
Klein Nine: One wishes he could even hint at finding value among the cheap starting pitching dominated by the likes of Burnett, Dice K and Arrierta but I am too wise and risk averse. I would be a fool not to nominate David Ortiz at $1. And you were fools for letting Klein get away with that. But I promise each of you that I shall remember this moment of skulduggery when I determine who is most worthy of receiving an award that bears my name.
Nukes: As much as I would love to nominate Scotty Pods at $1 just because he’s so cute, my less baser instincts compel me to give a nod to Wilson Betemit at $1. He’s the right age, on the right team, and bought at the right price.
Hoosier Daddies: As easy as it would be to pick Ramon Castro at $2 (or Chris Archer at $1, but remember, readers, I seek 2011 profitability) I must go on a limb and select Fausto Carmona at $5. That selection may say more about the Dads’ cheap players than Carmona’s prospects, however….
Mighty Red Hots: Dare I say those two words that have tormented Brad Lee Jansen all these years: Alex Gordon? But at $5 and with the fans’ focus on other prospects, the not so young anymore Alex could finally put some value on the board.
Riptorns: How I love Dayan Viciedo at $1, but alas, will he earn a profit this year? Only in a dump deal for Cano. My eyes can’t help but remain fixated on the fleet-footed Peter Bourjos at $11. The upside is enormous, even at that fair price, my loyal subjects.
Lake Michigan Calamari: Jed Lowrie at $5. When Scutaro is your only competition…..And do not forget Chris Carter at $3–why shouldn’t he bash his way on to that weak hitting A’s roster? Two Steals of the Draft. But if I must pick one, I’ll nominate Lowrie.
Angry Young Men: Lorenzo Cain at $6. A literal steal. Same price as Red Hots utility bat/3rd catcher Yorvit Torrealba, Enough said.
Flaming Brats: If Neftali Feliz heads to the Rangers rotation, then Brats have rustled up a winner in Ogando at $6. Yee-ha!
Berliners: Of course, I can win my own prize. I have so many undervalued draftees my head spins. But I’ll indulge you and pick just one: Ivan Nova. 15 wins for $2. Book it, baby.
That is all for now.
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