Winick’s Motion to Revoke Blocker’s COPS Membership

USML Forums Forums Beans Winick’s Motion to Revoke Blocker’s COPS Membership

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • Author
    • #2362
      Jeff Winick

      Quoting Mark Blocker:

      (And the only way in which Longoria is better than Span is that Longoria has NEVER made an out in a professional game, a sentiment which spurred the creation of C.O.P.S.).

      I was so hoping you would take the bait on Span. I hereby move to have your membership in COPS revoked. I figured Joey “Monster-Talent” Gathright would be enough to deny you membership. Apparently not. But now you have once again shamelessly hyped a bum in a manner that would even embarrass Mr. Jansen. Need some proof? How about this:

      In 204 AA at bats, Mr. Span has exactly 4 doubles, 2 triples and 1 home run. These impressive numbers are supported by 15 rbi’s. Then there is the 2/1 strikeout to walk ratio. There’s also the fact that he gets thrown out nearly 30% of the time that he attempts to steal a base.

      This is what BaseballHQ has to say about this new “monster-talent” touted by

      Strengths: Athleticism/plus speed (4.0). Contact/BA ability. Range. Quick release Weaknesses: Hitting for power. Pitch recognition. Arm strength. Taking
      proper routes.

      Comments: Speedy athlete, whose bat finally showed some promise with a more mature approach. Embraced slash-and run style, along with better plate discipline, hitting the ball on the ground and getting on-base more often. Likes to use opposite field and can drive a mistake. Plenty of range for CF, but arm is fringe-average.
      MLB Debut: 2007
      Potential: Fourth outfielder

      Focus on that 4th outfielder conclusion.

      I will proudly cast the first stone and move for Mark “PT” Blocker’s banishment from COPS.

      That is all.

      Jeff Winick

    • #2363
      Richard Robbins

      TO: Jeffrey Henry Winick
      FROM: Brad L. Jansen
      DATE: June 6, 2006
      RE: COPS; Motion to Revoke Membership of Mark Blocker

      Congratulations on insulting my good friend Mark Blocker and me in the same paragraph. That must be a first.

      With respect to your diatribe against Mr. Blocker you have no standing in COPS either to (i) ask to bar Mr. Blocker’s membership or (ii) demand revocation of his privileges. Please note that this decision in no way addresses the merits of your remarks concerning Denard Span.

      As to your allegation that Mr. Blocker’s objective and fairly mild commentary about his player “would even embarrass” me, I don’t deny and cannot hide my hurt that you caused me. But you know what, Jeff? To compare a brilliant strategist and roto tactician such as Mark Blocker to someone like me just brings a smile to my face and the glisten of a tear to my right eye, actually caused by some eyedrops received during a normal eye exam tonight. But don’t worry, Jeff. My eyes are fine and I see things clearly. You don’t respect me, you never have, and now the entire League can see your hostility in black and white. Well, tonight I’m filling out my membership application to COPS–and guess what? It ain’t you I’m listing as my emergency contact.

    • #2364
      Jeff Winick

      I offer further evidence in support of my petition to have Mark “PT” Blocker’s membership in COPS revoked:

      Exhibit #1 – As I understand it, the purpose of COPS is to actively discourage the over-hyping of young players who are then included as key components of dump trades. Is not Joey “Monster-Talent” Gathright the poster child for the very type of hucksterism that COPS is designed to prevent?

      This just hit the wires:

      Jun. 6 Joey Gathright (OF) TB was optioned to Triple-A Durham Tuesday to make room on the roster for Rocco Baldelli, according to the AP. Gathright hit .201 with 12 stolen bases in 55 games.

      Exhibit #2 – Brad “Lee” Jansen revealed what many of us have known all along. The power behind the throne wasn’t Mike Rogers, it was (and is) Mark Blocker. Anyone else catch the fact that Bradlee slipped and complimented Mark on his judgment and skill. Surely that’s not in reference to Mark’s stewardship of the Bombers. It can only be a sly reference to Mark’s behind the scenes work on behalf of the Torns. The drive for five is obviously merely how Mark deflects attention from himself while quietly coaching The RipTorns to victory. Maybe “PT” is the wrong moniker. Maybe “KR” as in Karl Rove is more appropos?

      Bottom line – If there’s any legitimacy to this fledgling organization, I say PT can’t be a member.

      That is all.

      Jeff Winick

    • #2365
      Mark Blocker


      You have hurt me deeply, suggesting that I have at any point begun to act on Brad’s behalf. What next — accusing me of writing like him? While you may poke fun at me and my languishing squad of underachievers, I will not tolerate attacks on my friend and Roto Genius Emeritus Bradlee Jansen. He has done nothing to deserve these sort of vituperative attacks, and certainly has done nothing to be included in your sardonic e-mails that contain thinly veiled references to the solitary year of the 18 years thus far in which my team finished four places behind the winner. Now get thee to a confessional, Tribe membership notwithstanding, and acknowledge your sins. I must go now, for the cause of the COPS cannot be derailed by Brandon-Wood-toting nonmembers.

      — Deeply bereaved, Mark B.

      P.S. In honor of your trade, should Brandon Wood henceforth be known as “Wood-rod”?

    • #2366
      Jeff Winick

      your sardonic e-mails that contain thinly veiled references to the solitary year of the 18 years thus far in which my team finished four places behind the winner.


      I never knew you had it in you. You really are quite the spin master. I guess, for you, ties for fifth don’t count? The Bombers finished fifth in 2005 and tied for fifth in 2003 and 2000. That’s THREE times, by my count. They have finished either in fifth or within one place of fifth for 4 years running. More impressively the Bombers have finished in fifth or within 2 slots of fifth for 8 years running and for 11 of the past 12 years!!!! And remember its a “Drive for Five” – just as with Bradlee’s annual “Burst for First” it isn’t always successful.

      However, you, my friend, have one hell of a track record. And one that yours truly will not let you cynically try to spin away from.

      KR is becomming a more appropriate moniker by the moment.

      I offer Mark’s attempt to deceive the league about his team’s performance as Exhibit #3 in my petition.

      That is all.

      Jeff Winick

    • #2367
      Mark Blocker


      I am disappointed to see more hurtful e-mails from you. Surely you must have more important and worldly pursuits to occupy your time. You leave me with no choice but to begin to reveal some of the results of my thorough investigation into your roto practices. In combing through your garbage, my crack team of investigators unearthed the following snippet from what appears to be a Berliner internal team memo:

      “List of Jokes I Can Think Of To Inclue in USML E-mails

      1. Blocker always finishes fifth (not really true, but just keep saying it)
      2. Throw in references to Joey Gathright
      3. Thats all.

      Alternate strategy: If pressed, spew babble from Shandler and if attacked, remind people I AM SHANDLER’S LAWYER; that should do it.

      Note to self: I’ve got to come up with some new ones.”

      Jeff, it pains me to reveal these personal secrets of your life, but you leave me no choice. Please, cease and desist in your constant attacks. Peace.

      — Sadly in Eighth, Mark B.

    • #2368
      Jeff Winick


      That deft misdirection play is nearly the clincher to get your moniker changed to KR. In the face of compelling evidence regarding your performance over the last 11 years and concrete proof that you misrepresented how many times that you had finished 5th (3 out of the last 6 years), you keep pounding away, undeterred. Bravo!

      So, notwithstanding the fact that Joey Gathright was sent down yesterday, thus making my “Monster-Talent” reference perfectly timely, I do promise to throw a few new themes your way. Heaven knows there’s plenty of ground to mine.

      That is all.

      Jeff Winick
      Published Fantasy Expert
      Ron Shandler’s Attorney
      Got “Good Wood”

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.