Lubeasts management noticed what appeared to be a somewhat aggressive vulture circling its headquarters over Mothers’ Day weekend.
“At first we thought it was a spy drone trying to ferret out our trade secrets,” a team spokesman told ESPN. The spokesman said that the team is very secretive about the special algorithms and advanced data sources (see photo) which enable the team to consistently overpay for under-performing and suspiciously injury-prone players.
Meanwhile, other team officials reported hearing Ray-Kinsella-esque voices repeatedly whispering “Sale. Sale”
Trying to put two and two together – always a challenge for the team’s brass – GM Frank Luby adamantly said that “the Lubeasts historically have never given up before Memorial Day, and we do not plan to make any exceptions.”
After double-checking to make sure he wasn’t imagining it, he added that the team is currently in 4th place.
Reminded by reporters that the team isn’t hitting its weight, he noted that the team still has Pablo Sandoval on the roster and that skews the average.
“The best is yet to come for the Lubeasts,” he said. “You’ll see.”
The book talks about a pitcher who was “a major disappointment to those of us who owned him, but he’s young, he’s left-handed, and he comes cheap.” For a recommended $6, someone could have had …. whom? (Hint: NL guy)